INTERVIEW WITH THE BAR GENIUS

Claud, now known as Zag, lives in a small efficiency apartment above his brothers’ restaurant, Chez Pierre (his brothers’ name is Irving), bought by his parents after his father sold his hedge fund for $40 million! This is where Claud, now Zag, keeps his $2 million collection of oil and vegetables. He keeps his collection of bar napkins (6,669 different ones). He sells his own witty bar napkins with sayings like, ‘Last Call’ and  ‘Is That Your Cocktail’ – 6 for $40. He also has 3,200 books on everything!

Claud/Zag has said in an English/French accent, “I have served every President since Eisenhower and every head of state in the world, 3 Popes, 72 Academy Award winners, and 12 queens including Elton John.” Claud/Zag has also been a consultant to 320 liquor and spirits companies.

Zag was the co-creator of the mojito and cosmopolitan, and has traveled the world 6 times serving and promoting his creations. Claud/Zag is also a judge at the Best Ultimate San Francisco/New York Mighty Contest Challenge for the last 11 years and This Is The Ultimate Best Liquor.

The many names he has gone by are: Bar Emperor, Master Mojo, Up To Date Mixman, and Bar Genius Guru and now wears one false eyelash.

Claud/Zag has spoken and taught at Drinks of the Decade, Hey I Know What I’m Doing & You Don’t Seminars, Bar Brilliance (a $3,000.00 3-day course in Camden, NJ) and has written for every major magazine and newspaper in the free world. He is the featured writer for 200 trade publications, including:  “LeaveMyDrinkAloneIAmGoingToTheBathroom.com.” Plus he has written the bestseller of all drink books – “It’s All About Me, I Am The Greatest” – Limited Edition of 15.

In my brief and scary conversation with Zag, who just changed his name to “Cocktail,” Claud/Zag/Cocktail starts, “Any person can make a cocktail, but can they make up a great recipe using lots of Prune Juice? I don’t think so. Only I can, and “I” is my favorite word.”

Claud/Zag/Cocktail was now joined by his four public relation firms, including Dale, Tony, Daniel, and Paul Luco, BS’r to the world. I had to leave, it was much too crowded in his small apartment with his public relations crew, $2 million worth of oil and vegetables, 6,669 bar napkins and 3,200 books on everything. But I did get two of his favorite recipes:

WORLD’S BEST COCKTAIL

3 parts My Own Tasty Bitters

3 cl Ripoff Vodka

3 oz. Rad’s Galliana

3 spoons Blue Afghan Sugar Substitute

3 leaves off a Calabrand Bush

3 Turtle Doves (No animals will be harmed, use only the shells)

Muddle with one of my BarGenius Muddlers, available from LeaveMyDrinkAloneIAmGoingToTheBathroom.com for 6 minutes and then blend all ingredients. Serve in a very tall glass. Garnish with a watermelon wedge.

I CAN’T BELIEVE I DRANK THE WHOLE THING AFTER MY BICYCLE BROKE

18 parts Oil of Chevron

3 cl Who Ever Pays Me Product Of The Moment

5 Green Peppers, Chopped

2 Small Onions, Mashed

2 oz. Pure Water from Iowa

1 Slice of Bologna

Shake 18 times. Serve in shot glass with a bologna slice.

APRIL FOOL! Or is it….?